The Muse Cafe

Wine Varietals and Personalities

*Disclaimer: i couldnt find any GOOD descriptions describing the wine as men so gentleman please do your best to find the wine that best describes you DESPITE the fact that it may say she or etc.*

Chardonnay
You are the world’s greatest star. Your fame has infiltrated every nook and cranny of the globe, regardless of culture. Your public persona is often the creation of zealous image consultants. They alter your visage with a woody makeup, and drape your body with the designer apparel of Malolactic and Sur-Lees. Being on top is never easy, and the jealous backlash that calls itself ‘ABC’ is an insult to your greatness. Rare glimpses of your true personality reveal angular cheekbones underneath all the makeup, and steely eyes that can be sharp and engaging. With your tall stature and broad shoulders, you are capable of carrying any style. So: “Lights, camera … action!” Chardonnay, your fans await.

Gewurztraminer
You are an exotic sorceress - a gypsy no less - with red skin and a spicy attitude to match. Your forward nature keeps us intoxicated. You are best known for your ethereal Alsatian seances, but you cast your spell everywhere you travel. A fortune teller of the vine, you offer sweet perfumed visions that have surprisingly dry and bitter finishes.

Malbec

Don’t cry for me, I’m in Argentina……Sure, but you do make the odd trip to the vineyards of America to visit and lend a helpful hand to your childhood friend, Cabernet Sauvignon. Many enjoy your rustic character, but those in the high stakes wine game of Bordeaux and California have little tolerance for your fruitless tendency to skip out on the job. It seems that with your dark skin and color, you fit in better with the Gauchos of Argentina, where the heat and dryness bring out the best of your character, making you more inclined to put in a full day’s work. But whenever needed, you’ll always be available for us north of the Rio Grande.

Zinfandel
Zinfandel…You’re a master of disguise. Who is that masked man known as ZIN? You hide behind a mask of contradictory styles. Are you the soft, sweet hombre oft seen in the Central Valley, disguised in a vibrant pink cape? Or perhaps you are the fire-breathing rogue of the Sierra Foothills, a spicy-natured, tannic beast. How will you appear next?…and where! Always willing to change your facade to suit the environment, your true nature seems to be adaptability, itself. You are a legend in California; friend of the poor pisano, and delight to the pompous patron. Truth is, you’re no robber at all…you give to all!

Riesling
You are the matriarch, though your numerous offspring rarely match your noble nature. You teach us to say words like‘trockenbeerenauslese’ with reverence and pride. You approach every situation with grace and elegance, yet remain firm when the situation dictates. You bring balance to an unbalanced world of Chardonnayism. You are without question the Queen of the Rhineland, with a commonwealth extending to the far away lands of Australia, Canada and America.

Syrah | Shiraz
During the Roman occupation of Gaul you rose to fame as a captive vine turned gladiator. Your legend grew in the spartan competition of Northern Rhône amphitheaters. But little did the Romans know; you had more than just brute tannic power. Behind your fiery, spicy attitude there was the soul of a great leader. You outlasted the Romans and eventually ruled the Rhone Valley from the hill of Hermitage. But your greatest victory was to come in the New World, as emperor of the masses ‘Down Under’. Never one to rest on past laurels, you have set your sights on America. It is only a matter of time before you conquer this continent, leading the charge of an imposing legion known as the “Rhone Rangers”.

Sauvignon Blanc

You are one sexy gal, Sauvignon Blanc, trotting joyously through fields of grass, with your long, blond tresses blowing in the breeze. We envision you with leis of wild flowers and gooseberries bouncing on your bosoms; you absorb all the herbal essences around you. You are young and fresh - crisp even - with taut skin and daring spunk. You have the steely courage to bound up to us bare-naked. Yet when you do don cloths of oak you present yourself in a most exotic way. However, most would agree that you are best au naturel!

Pinot Gris | Grigio

You’ve earned top reviews working the stages of Alsace, where you are a local legend, even outshining your famous cousin Pinot Noir. In Alsace, you give such wonderfully textured and layered performances, but the north Italian producers prefer to cast you in lighter roles. Like many Euro starlets before you, you have been summoned to perform for North American audiences. But which act should we anticipate? Regardless of what the credits say — Madame Gris or Signora Grigio — from British Columbia to California, your fans applaud your efforts.

Merlot
Madame Merlot, you’re a big gal, soft and smoky; how we love your full, curvaceous figure. But you are so much more than simply a voluptuous pinup girl from Bordeaux. You carry yourself with a demeanor of maturity always ahead of your age. Perhaps it is your ever amiable and generous nature that makes you the perfect companion for the acid-tongued Cabernet Sauvignon. You smooth the rough edges he’s so prone to in his youth, making him more presentable to polite society. Your relocation to the New World was a little belated, but how pleased we are to see you now comfortably in residence, everywhere from Long Island to the Napa Valley.